having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
