Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
