i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
