$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
