So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
