Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
