I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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