Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
