my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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