no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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