I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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