I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
