I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Who died my cat blue again?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
