Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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