So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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