i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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