why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
