I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
