At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
