Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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