There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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