Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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