the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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