Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
