Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Randomize
