Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
