): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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