She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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