It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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