i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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