then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
