Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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