it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
