never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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