alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
