I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
