I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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