I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
