I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
