That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
