Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you will always have a special place in my vag
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
