I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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