so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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