If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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