sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
