real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is it because I queefed?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
