if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
