well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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