new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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