I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
