either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
