There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
