I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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