So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
