at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
