Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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