you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
