Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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