this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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