And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
