You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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