He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize