bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
