Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
