I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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