Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
