is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He told me they were just razor bumps!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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