Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
