is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
