Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
