she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest