just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.