I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens