Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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