I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
