We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
